i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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