I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
