I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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