Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My breasts were aching with rage.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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