This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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