My hand turned me down
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
