none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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