his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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