You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dignity is for republicans.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
