I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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