Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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