if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
