Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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