I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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