I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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