and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
