Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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