Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
