so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
