Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In other news, I just burned my penis
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Come on in and take your pants off
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