No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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