Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
