i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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