Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Couch. On fire.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
