strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
