I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
