i need an iv and a liver transplant
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
