I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
