I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
