So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
