Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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