I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
