i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
