wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
