Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
