I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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