thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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