I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I touched a dick in church today
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
i out mim tonsoeep
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