I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
