im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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