Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
