Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
