now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
