then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
