Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
