He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
