I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
