they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
