i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
