Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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