We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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