Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
